Archive for the ‘March EP’ Category

The Cobbler

March 19, 2011

It was barely eight am

I just had my toast and jam

When along the windowsill there came a tap

I was taken by surprise

At the sight before my eyes

It was Mr. Burly Squirrel in a tweed suit

 

He said, “I don’t mean to barge in

But I’m in a little pinch

I was supposed to meet that finch from your backyard

We were calling it a date

I couldn’t hardly wait

And now it seems I’ve lost my lucky shoes

Oh, and what am I to do?”

 

“Have you seen where they have gone?

I last saw them on the lawn

They were drying from a coat of waterproof

In an hour I cam back

Nearly had a heart attack

When all that there remained was their imprint”

 

“Now I think that something’s up

It might be that old woodchuck

Or maybe those two jerks from the woodpile

Either way I’ve got it bad

They were the only pair I had

Do you think you may have something just my size?

Oh, what a day to be alive!”

 

Now I thought there for awhile

And I gave a little smile

How often does a squirrel come ask for shoes?

I’d like to help him out

But my head was full of clouds

How could I oblige this strange request?

 

But the weather in my brain

Soon dried up all the rain

The sky it was so clear and baby blue

And I knew just what to do

I grabbed my wallet and some glue

A razorblade, a hammer and some nails

And I started cobbling up a pair

 

When the last lace was in place

The look upon his face

There are no words in squirrel for gratitude

But I thought I saw a tear

As he grinned from ear to ear

And pulled those works of art onto his feet

 

He said, “You truly are a friend

If ever I can lend

Anything to you that’d be of use

You cut up your billfold…”

I said, “There was nothing for it to hold”

And wished him the best of luck upon his date

For which he was now an hour late

 

When he finally did arrive

The look in her bird eye

Could have set that whole back yard into a blaze

So he made up an excuse

She said, “You must be confused

If you think that I would buy that load of shit”

 

He said, “Babe, you’ve got it wrong”

And he sang out his whole song

And when he was all done she saw those shoes

She could even tweet

As she gazed upon his feet

And saw my handiwork done for the love

Oh, and they praised the lord above!

 

Sweet Marie

March 19, 2011

Think I was twelve years old

And she may have been thirteen

Back in the deepest woods

We went where no one could see

Now I had kissed some girls

But there was plenty still new to me

So then she threw me down and went to town

And when she was done I couldn’t breathe

 

A few years had gone by

But she never left my mind

If I saw a few pine needles

I’d smile and give a sigh

Now I had kissed some girls

And there was little now new to me

But when she threw me down and went to town

Like a blind man, I now could see

 

Now I wouldn’t call it love

But caring in the same way

Without any words

She used her mouth

To say what she wanted to say

 

Now it was twenty years ago

But still feels like yesterday

The smell of those old maples

And looking up to watch them sway

Now I have loved some girls

Even got one to marry me

But when she threw me down and went to town

It was nothing like sweet Marie

Yeah, when she threw me down and went to town

Still nothing like sweet Marie

 

The Tooth and The Razor

March 19, 2011

I am the ambassador’s nightmare

I am the hysterical son

I am the elected unofficial

I am the one to outrun

Five times I’ve been caught in the trailer

And five times they have put me in jail

Last time for a look at the savior

Last time you will see me out here

 

I am the impossible sailor

I am the drunkest one

I am the tooth and the razor

I am the beast on the hunt

 

Lie down and commit to a prayer

Reach deep in your pockets for gold

Think hard on the life you were given

Look back at the lies you were told

And I am here to coddle your anger

I am here to answer your call

Think not of me as a fortune of failure

Think of me as justice undone

 

I am the impossible sailor

I am the drunkest one

I am the tooth and the razor

I am the beast on the hunt

 

I am the ambassador’s nightmare

I am the hysterical son

I am the elected unofficial

I am the one to outrun

Five times I’ve been caught in the trailer

And five times they have put me in jail

Last time for a look at the savior

Last time you will see me out here

 

I am the impossible sailor

I am the drunkest one

I am the tooth and the razor

I am the beast on the hunt

 

Ballad of an Asshole

March 19, 2011

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

None of them as horny as you

 

I’ve known a lot of angry women in my life

I’ve known a lot of angry women in my life

Drop of a hat they’ll drop a knuckle down or two (right on you)

None of them as angry as you

 

I’ve known a lot of jealous women in my life

I’ve known a lot of jealous women in my life

The fits they’d throw would leave me black and blue

None of them as jealous as you

 

I’ve known some good cooking women in my life

I’ve known some good cooking women in my life

Stuff me like a goose and that is true

None of them was a better cook than you

 

I’ve known some big-breasted women in my life

I’ve known some big-breasted women in my life

Some so big I didn’t know what to do

None of them had a sweeter pair than you

 

I’ve known some big-hearted women in my life

I’ve known some big-hearted women in my life

Give so much to others and take so few

None of them had a bigger heart than you

 

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

I’ve known a lot of horny women in my life

None of them as horny as you

None of them was a better cook than you

None of them had a sweeter pair than you

None of them had a bigger heart than you

 

Spaghetti On Thanksgiving

March 19, 2011

Every time I get a leg up

Someone’s taking off my shoe

And if I keep on trying

They’ll take my socks off, too

I ain’t looking for handout, a hand up or a high five

I’m just looking to keep my head up

Because the water will always rise

 

I eat spaghetti on Thanksgiving

And Christmas from a can

Whiskey for my birthday

Peanut butter and jam

Two dollars worth of gas

And I better avoid the tolls

But the only free alternative

Is the street with all the holes

 

Any time that I breathe easy

For a week I’m in the black

Something comes and knocks my wind out

And I’m flat out on my back

I’m wondering about this freedom

Cause I feel like house arrest

With doctor’s bills, insurance bills

Parking tickets and all the rest

 

I eat spaghetti on Thanksgiving

And Christmas from a can

Whiskey for my birthday

Peanut butter and jam

Two dollars worth of gas

And I better avoid the tolls

But the only free alternative

Is the street with all the holes

 

I must have some sort of collar

Around my ankle that I can’t see

So any time I get some money

It sends off a silent scream

And the bills just start appearing

My mailbox is like a goose

It’s all stuffed with disappointment

And it’s feeling like a noose

 

So I eat spaghetti on Thanksgiving

And Christmas from a can

Whiskey for my birthday

Peanut butter and jam

Two dollars worth of gas

And I better avoid the tolls

But the only free alternative

Is the street with all the holes

 


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